The Art of the Bribe

      My Ultimate tool in parenting isn't what you think it may be. I am a pretty good mom, I mean given the circumstances that I have loaded 4 kids on myself in the last 4 1/2 years. I am almost sure that most moms think that with hard work and consitancy and well difined boundaries any child can be taught to behave within a respectable manner at any given time. This half true, very true actaully, but I have also learned that situations present themselves where kids need and incentive to do so.

      The pure beauty of your child going from toddler to little child is not only that they are more independent or can communitcate more efficiently (beleive me I often wonder why I even taught them) it is because they develop the ability to reason, or in lames terms be bribed. The classic art or behavior for reward. Every action has a consequence and good actions get you rewarded. Do not get me wrong I don't mean give your kids whatever they want so they are quiet. I mean use the tools of reasoning to the best of both of your abilities- yours being better parenting and your child's as an opportunity to learn what is acceptable and what is not. I want to share some of my best bribery skills that have really taught them that hard work pays off, that every opportunity presents a learning experience and that mom's expect certain behavior.

First thind I reccomend- Food is not a reward, it is for nutrition. Your child is not a dog. Be more creative in your rewards. I do however not see a problem for dessert being an acceptable reward for a well mannered, efficiently eaten dinner.

The Grocery store bribe-
This is how I manage 4 kids at the grocery store alone. Yes I CAN DO IT! And so can you!
I often get stares and questions by strangers in the grocery store- usually the stares are looks of pity and judgement and the questions are usually "oh my are all these yours?" People can really be rude.
It only takes a couple minuets after the initial reactions of my unusually large grocery gang to start receiving compliments and looks of amazement. "Wow your kids are so well behaved! Good for you, you must be doing a great job." Well here is my secret :)

*Never do this until your kid has their reasoning skills. NEVER let a child pick something from the check outline until they are old enough to understand they earned it.

*Be stern but not mean, this is supposed to be a fun learning experience. This is supposed to set the tone for future shopping trips.

*Remember when a child cries in the grocery store it is nothing to be ashamed or embarrased of, it is to be worn as a badge of honor that you are saying no. You have done what is best for you and your child. You are teaching right from wrong. You are setting boundaries. Seriously. Ignore rude looks, whispers or mean comments from strangers. They probably do not have kids, or are too scared to bing their kids to the store because they can't even handle them at home, or they are ones who have given in and now have spoiled over indulgent unappreciatve, "quiet kids".

1. The pep talk.
         I don't care how young your little tater tots are you talk to them like they are people. There is no excuse to treat them like a baby. Mom's have expectations EXPECIALLY in public. Here is how ours has always gone. First you park the car, take off your seat belt look at them and explaing tell them where you are going and what you are getting. "Guys mommy has to go to the grocery store to buy food for our home. We are here to get healthy food for our bodies." Ask them if they understand you need to know they are listening. Then we go over the rules.
2. The Rules
       1. You must not ask for anything or touch anything
       2. keep your hands to yourselves
       3. no whining, crying or arguing
       4. you do not leave the cart if you do one hand must be touching the cart at all times (NEVER  EVER LET A KID OUT OF THE CART UNTIL THEY ARE ATLEAST 4 YEARS OLD THIS IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. YOU HAVE RULES. INFORCE THEM. Beleive me this is best for you and for the kid.)
     5. no running
     6. use your inside voices
     7. groceries are mommies choice to pick out, I do not need you to tell me what to buy and what not to buy.
     8. Hold hands
If your child is old enough about three ask them to repeat the rules and remind them the ones they forget

Then you give them each a dollar and explain.
This is your "good boy or good girl ticket"
This dollar will buy you one treat if you make it through the store while following the rules
You get one warning.
"If you break the rules (say them again you can never say them too much) I will take your dollar away and you will get nothing"
Ask them if they understand.
Go over the rules again
"Who is ready to go have a good time shopping together?"

Do your thang! Be confident, consistant and serious. If they break the rules take their dollar away for 3 min for them to earn it back with good behavior and explain this to them. If they break them again it's gone. Let that kid cry and scream. They will LEARN. They will try harder next time. When people stare you hold your head high because you are PARENTING, not giving in. Time outs are perfectly acceptable in the middle of the store. Remember we are ignoring everyone else and focusing on parenting.
Good Luck :)

The responsibility bribe or the potty bribe A.K.A The chore chart/ sticker chart.
I love love love my chore chart and loved my potty training sticker chart.
It let's your kid decide their own fate. They take pride in earning compliments, and stickers, and getting the reward at the end. It teaches hard work pays off, to never give up, patience, dedication and dilligence. Here is how it works.

1. Don't under estimate their capabilities.
2. Don't micromanage or expect perfection
3. You can never be too over excited, thrilled, proud, complimentitive, or thankfull
4. reward accordingly
5. Ask them what they want their reward to be.
6. Make them feel good about it
7. Don't set them up for failure- do not give them a job that is unreasonably large for them or that they can not accomplish on their own.
8. Ask them what they would like to help with

Here is what our chore chart looks like this week: Our chore chart is by Melissa and Doug it is the best!!!!

We have a teamwork chore 2 chores that must always be done by all three of them in order to get a star if they get all 5 stars they get a trip to chik fil a. (The experience and fun is the reward not necessarily the food)  or they get to sleep in the livingroom while watching movies friday nigth- we call it a movie party
Those chores are- make your bed and prepare for your day (i.e. get dressed wash face brush teeth) independantly. And they must have a no fuss bedtime, shower, get dressed one book kiss and hug that is it! No whining, or getting out of bed.

Madison who is 4 1/2 is expected to- care for pets, set the table and use good manners

Cayden who is 4 1/2 is expected to- be in charge of trash wich means if he finds some he puts it in the trash, he is also to clear the table and be a good listener.

Sienna who is 3 is expected to- pick up her toys, help mommy and be a good sharer.

They all receive individual  stars and individual rewards wich is for them to decide- alone time with a parent, or to accompany them somewhere, extra tv time, the twins are old enough to get money usually 3 or 4 dollars. I like to teach them the value you of money and to save for big items.
Sienna- usually asks for gum :)

 

There are other occasions I use bribery but these two are the most benneficial for us and I beleive for any family, so I really wanted to share them.
I beleive with good intentions, some knowledge, consistancy and little bit of bribery it is possible to have children we can be truly proud of at any age. Just bribe for the right reasons with proper rewards. Make it a learning lesson and not to shut them up.
The Art of the Bribe is always worth perfecting excpecially when your as outnumbered as I am :)